he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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