I hope mine doesn't look like that
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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