Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I love you. Go after that dick
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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