I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
