My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
