Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
