things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
