real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
