i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
