I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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