you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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