Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
