I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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