you would pick up someone in the library
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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