Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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