i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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