3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
