I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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