a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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