Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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