i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
