She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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