Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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