So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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