Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
