Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
