I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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