i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
