Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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