Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
