So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
third nipple confirmed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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