Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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