Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
