HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
