dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
