You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
