I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
