well I can't set my house on fire every night
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
