I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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