It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize