I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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