WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
