I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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