can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
