so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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