I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize