What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
