I'm jealous of your bromance
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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