There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
