have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
how drunk are you?
Several
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
