Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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