Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
