My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
