What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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