How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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