I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you didnt know i had herpes?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
pray to the hookup gods
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
