She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
