I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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