but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
