Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
