she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
