ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
