dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
