We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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