So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize