remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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