Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
