We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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