He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
