I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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