It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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